On the dijk

Delusion of omnipotence, I guess

2009-11-07T19:03:00.004+01:00

...thing is, emigrating is essentially a selfish decision.

There can be hundreds of reasons to move to a different country - better work opportunities, wider horizons if you' re of the Livingstone kind, affections and love, and so on.
Apart from a few that I don't need to mention (war? hunger? poverty?) and that obviously don't apply to my little corner of the web, most of the reasons that that can push a person like me to leave an after all comfortable situation and move to a new place are decidedly selfish.

Let me explain: since I decided to move up north, that is since way before I actually did it, a part of me keeps feeling deliciously (?) guilty. Because my decision did not only change my own life but also that of the people around me, who love me and whom I love. Because I am an only child and grandchild and niece, and my absence (I pride myself in believing) from the life of some people is noticeable. And they have to deal with it without getting a new life for the trouble.
Because relationships have necessarily changed, not for the worse but still changed: I have - we all have - lost the habit to a daily shared life. I no longer can call my parents from the car as I'm driving back from work and chat about nothing in particular, we all call less often for obvious reaons and instinctively try to make every call remarkable - with news, or a thought, or a discussion, anything.
And I find myself happy - very happy of this new life that we are building day by day - and at the same time aware that the life of a number of people has changed because of a decision that I took, and has not changed for the better. And I owe my happiness also to all of them, who shut me up when I try to comfort them (or myself?) and explain to me that it's high time I stopped feeling responsible for other people's lives, that I am not God after all.

It's just that sometimes this being rational business is just a tad too hard for me. I love you all, a lot...

De gustibus

2009-09-14T18:21:00.002+02:00

Quite predictably - being one and a half expats - we spent our holidays in Italy. In the country with grandma, in Torino with dad and in Sardinia with friends (yes, I know, we're horribly decadent and self-indulging...)

And since we are indeed prevident and we know exactly what's important in life, both in Sardinia and Monteu we invested some of our hard earned cash in a few bottles of good wine, whatever Albert Heijn might say. :)
We went to Sella e Mosca to hunt for Sardinian whites and reds, and we went to Rabino to stock up on Barbera, Nebbiolo and Moscato! That we then loaded on the Filarski-mobile, with full confidence that it would arrive safely up north (thank you thank you thank you to my not-officially-but-de-facto parents in law for the transport!)

Once back north, our innocent cherub heads (*ahem*) were awash with the sudden awareness of a fundamental difference in the approach to wine: namely, "there are laws and rules and anything outside them is just heresy" vs. "I will drink what I like and that's all there is to it".
We were innocently seating in the garden, chez Filarski, ready for a pleasant family dinner, when our host - my aforementioned exceedingly nice father in law - happily and defiantly opened a bottle of Moscato.
To be drunk with salad. And roasted potatoes.

For those who are not familiar with it, Rabino's moscato is quite sweet, decidedly fruity... for any purist, a perfect dessert wine.
Faced with the faint objections of my beloved - partly caused by my suddenly greenish complexion - our host answered, nonchalantly: "I like it, so I drink it".
I cannot help but confess: it is an excellent reason and I sincerely appreciate it.
But I am not going to tell my grandma anyway ;)

Small steps to integration

2009-09-09T12:54:00.002+02:00

Leiden, this morning around 11.
I was happily - albeit a little shakily - riding a bike festooned with market bags hanging from the handles, and holding said handles with one hand to signal left, when a thought occurred to me: if I had a child on the bike, an umbrella in one hand and a mobile in the other I would look just like all the other Dutchies on the street!
For the moment I'll settle for groceries, though - and for another small step, or better a small cycling, to integration. It's the small things, isn't it?

PS. Holidays are over... You'll hear from me soon, be patient :)

Oh so posh

2009-08-04T10:37:00.003+02:00

It's official: as of today I am on holiday.
The event was celebrated yesterday with a classy lunch at Cafe Americain (because we're classy, boys).
And here is proof! Not much to share my joy, rather to brag shamelessly...

Ha! You did think I was making it up, didn't you?
Thankssssssssss to the one who had the idea, the invitation and the bill!

I don't agree

2009-07-27T17:14:00.003+02:00

I read about it almost every day on the expat blogs - those corners of the internet, like mine, were people write who have up and gone to a different country.
I hear about it on expat sites - those who should (stress the should) support and help the poor expats to live in such a terrible and terrifying new country.
And now I also write about it, in this typical Dutch summer day (a yoyo of rain and sun and rain and sun. Friday we had 12 storms in one day, it looked like the weather was stuck in fast forward mode).

I am talking about the so-called culture shock, that mix of disgust, difficulty and depression that is supposed to attack the poor expatriates in the cruel and incomprehensible country they found their poor selves living in.
Maybe it's clear already from the start of this post, but I don't buy it, I don't buy it, I don't buy it.
Otherwise: I don't buy it.

I don't believe that landing in a new country as a privileged expat - with money, maybe already a job, a partner, a house, and so on - can be or lead to any kind of shock. I don't believe that shopping at Albert Heijn instead of Coop and not finding the fresh tomatoes you're used to can undermine the emotional well being and vision of life of all those poor expats (immigrants is apparently an old fashioned world, we are all expats nowadays).
I don't believe that finding yourself in a community of people who follow different rules and habits, who make coffee differently or spend their birthday parties sitting in a circle while the host is in the kitchen making drinks* can justify endless lamentations and fears of abandonment.

Let's make one thing clear: of course moving abroad brings up problems. But it does for those who move because they have to, those who have to work really hard to rebuild a life from scratch, those who have to learn everything - and I do mean everything - to survive. For those who are running away from way bigger problems and have way bigger problems.
And yes, we all have minor problems: we all miss home, we all wait anxiously for the day when behavior codes will be automatic and won't require absolute concentration every time, when chatting will be only a pleasure and not a continuous language test.

But all the people who talk and talk about culture shock come for the most part from rich and "civilized" countries, have nice houses and only have to make minor adjustments to take part in the social life of the country they have chosen (again: the country that they have chosen - not that has been imposed on them by who knows what or who). They have it easy. And yes they are the ones who keep saying that everything is so bad in the Netherlands.

I am not going to link to any posts or make a comprehensive list, this is not a talk show. But everytime I read or hear about culture shock there's a number of things that come up, and I'd like to have my take on them, if you want to read them.

1. Do not complain that the Dutch are not kind: it's not true. No decent Dutch person will ever chat aimlessly about your grandma's health while queuing at the post office, but no lung-carrying Dutch will ever refrain from a good morning (or good evening). Even if they have nothing else to say to you.
2. Stop complaining that the streets are dirty. Go take a walk in any Italian city (I'm talking about a relatively civilized country, you see) and then stop. You were not born in SpicNSpan-land, were you?
3. Stop complaining abut the weather. It rains, yes - you knew that before. Buy an umbrella and learn to live with it - and if you really cannot stand it go live somewhere else.
4. Don't make a fuss because the supermarket around the corner doesn't carry your favorite cereal brand, or exactly the things you want and are used to, in the exact same order you used to find them at home. It is a different country. Buy something else or go to another supermarket.
5. Don't tell me that the Dutch don't respect foreigners. The great majority of them speaks English, and does so as soon as they notice that you are having trouble with their language. I have met people who have been living here for 10 years and still cannot say one word in Dutch. How about respect now?

In other words, it is obvious that life here is not like it was at home - otherwise we would all be home (how deep, isn't it? I should get a PhD for this).
They are not the ones who have to adjust to us: we are the ones who have to do the learning. And it does not mean losing our culture, our identity and all that makes us.. us. It simply means learning to live in a new country with the respect and the attention that it deserves. Let's try and be a little humble, shall we?

What? Me? Well, I hope I'll learn to live here, simply because I have chosen to live here.
And I'll keep cooking Italian at home :P

* Or, this is what I noticed during my brief contacts with Dutch birthday parties. Different than what I expected, but everyone is happy so who cares?

PS. This post intentionally forgot to mention all other categories of expats and migrants - those who come from different cultures and religions. And who maybe don't have a safe future. They do have the right to a little culture shock. And then, this is not a political blog, did you think I changed my mind? :)

A mistery in green

2009-07-06T18:23:00.002+02:00

I have a problem.
Yesterday in the garden I found this:

(I am shamelessly lying, it was there last year as well. But it sounded oh so much better...)

The culprit for these weird flowers is here:

...it looks like a boring climbing thingy, but see what it can do?

Now - this is an official cry for help. Can anyone please please tell me what kind of plant it is? What should I do with it? Is it poisonous so I can use it? Is it precious? Or is it only beautiful and I can keep gazing at it every day?
Help! We are drowning in vegetation ignorance!

* blub blub blub* ;)

At the station, Den Haag

2009-06-26T10:52:00.002+02:00

This artistic piece of poetry shines happily on the wall of the train station in Den Haag - I have been forgetting to take a pic of it for the last two months...

For obvious reasons, I will not translate the text like I did on the Italian version of this blog ;)

What do you think? :)

Guests

2009-06-24T11:02:00.002+02:00

**Disclaimer: this is a very feline post. Non-cat lovers (or cat-obsessed) please acces with caution, and a sot of insuline just in case the cuteness factor proves excessive**

As I mentioned a couple of times (just a couple..), Zoe is by now completely in charge of the house and the surroundings. She strolls in the garden, jumping from a fence to a roof, with the same expression as Catherine of Russia in the Winter Palace...
You want proof? Here it comes:

Bonus: the renewed and (almost) tidy garden!

(The wheel is NOT some kind of prehistoric sun-worship altar, but a soon-to-be herb corner. For the moment it hosts a lonely snail-eaten basil plant)

And yes, it's sunny! Dutch summer is fresh - 24 degrees is the best option you can get - and very very variable. This is what I have to get used to: not being able to take the sun for granted. It is absolutely not sure that tomorrow will be sunny as well (or that it will still be sunny in two hours, for that matter).
But no, I am not complaining! When the sun does shine, it is really beautiful... I will post some pictures of the skies here and y'all will know what I am talking about :)

Back to the felines, though:

...but who is this one?
No, I have not dyed Zoe black, she remains happily tri-colored. This, as the title of my post says, is the guest. He officially lives one block from here but as you can see he finds my armchair very very comfy.
He is young, and so non-aggressive that even our "resident evil", after a few perplexed attempts, stopped trying to kill him. We see him on average every two days: he comes, he eats, he purrs, he jumps on every available lap, and sometimes he crashes somewhere and sleeps.
He has not moved in - his humans have no intention whatsoever of allowing him to, and I guess he is having way too much fun being two-homed. For the moment we are some kind of feline bed&breakfast. A McDonalds with relax corner :)

Mmmmmm yes, a lot of relax.... :D

Cherries

2009-06-08T12:22:00.002+02:00

Ah, abandoned blogs.. How sad...
Luckily mine don't qualify ;)

After a whole week of hard work (yes, I'm working - quite a lot even, but I'll tell you next time) yesterday we agreed to dedicate the day to do-nothing-ness. We wanted to go some place and explore, but true to the national character it rained for te better part of the day and our plans fizzled out.
But suddenly there came my knight in shining armor - or better, in shining laptop (prince and all, but it's the third millennium) - with a veeeeery welcome idea: why don't we up ad go to the movies?

And to the movies we went! Here, to be precise. A small cinema, from the '20s, really beautiful. And to add to the pleasure, we were the only ones - in the whole cinema, not only our movie (I know, I know, it won't last...). And more, we saw Coraline, which is truly good. There are a few differencies from the original book but Gaiman (author, writer, storyteller and general hero of the household) approved so everything is right with the world again.
Visually astonishing, an impeccable story... joy. And then, me really likez the movies :D

On our way back from the movie, as we were strolling in the city (cause it's north here, and light until 11 pm) we came across a poetry festival. The stage on a boat moored in front of the town hall, the cafés open late, music and classic American poetry. What to do? We sat. Noblesse oblige...
We enjoyes Walt Whitman, Ginsberg, Brodsky, and even Public Enemy and Kurt Cobain! And I was there enjoying it, sipping coffee and thinking that it would be impossible to pull off something like that in Torino. Local poets reading aloud in English and the crowd listening and cheering like a rock concert.

See, this is the kind of things that kill homesickness in a whiz :)

P.S.

2009-03-23T22:52:00.001+01:00

Meow

2009-03-23T22:49:00.000+01:00

...and they say that southern cats have trouble adjusting to the cold North ;)

Bouncing back and forth

2009-03-07T12:19:00.002+01:00

After two months of intensive dutchization - a seven-week intensive course*, and work, and house - at the end of February we travelled south. A whole week of family and friends and (a lot of) food.
It was a tour de force of meetings and engagements and things done and to do, and we came back home completely exhausted. Seeing friends once is just not enough, you find yourself wanting more and more and more... And you end up like an histerical spinning top :)
Home is home, as they say - it's friendly and warm and easy (I know, I'm trite - bear with me). And leaving is as hard as ever.
If any of my couple of readers have been through this before, pleaseplease tell me: does it get usual with time? Or should I get used to the idea of an emotional rollercoaster ad libitum? I can do that, I honestly can, but I'd like to be prepared ;)

BUT:
Back north, yesterday we went to the town all to humbly request my inclusion in the population registers. I'll just share with you some impressions, nothing serious

The town hall is a beautiful and beautifully restored old palace
When you arrive, the lady at the information desk - really nice, btw - checks your appointment and gives you a number (just like the - broken - machines down south, huh?)
The office itself is a former yard, covered with a glass roof. There is a small garden in the middle and a lot of benches to sit and wait, with even toys for the kids (just like the stinky corridor were 200 people wait - standing - and scream at each other)
The tills are open. They are tables. There is no bulletproof glass, and no microphone to speak to underpaid and bored uneducated people.
The employees are educated, kind and really help you! You forgot a document? No problem - your papers are stored on the side, they remember it exists (!) and wait for you to bring it in, without another appointment, without scalding you and without insulting you.
While filling in the form, the employee (who of course epeaks a very good English) turned the computer screen towards me - just to note (oh, and she was filling the form on the computer! I did not have to write a single word, apart form a signature)
I have been asked if I want to vote for the European elections, which I can do from here as well
The place is silent, the people are kind and nobody waits more than 15 minutes. There is even an evaluation system in place for the users to rate the service
Ah! Last but not least: the place is clean, really clean

Now, do me a favor: go to the same office in the town hall in Turin (or anywhere else south of the Alps) and try to request - as a foreigner - a new residence, with a missing document. Then come and tell me.. or rather don't, I can picture it perfectly myself.
I am thinking about organizing educational group tours in Italian public offices.

PS. In the supermarket there is a copy machine. Open to anyone, in the hall. It works with coins. It works! And doesn't even have graffiti all over

*Passed with flying colors! The new course starts on Monday, I'll be overdosing on grammar again :D

Homier and homier

2009-02-14T22:18:00.003+01:00

There are times when a true lady cannot but do her duty...
That time has come, and it is with great pleasure that I present to you another "before and after" photo session. Protagonist, this time, is the kitchen.

Before:

Disclaimer: the ceiling is unchanged - no, I did not climb the walls spiderman-style to hang gracious lace curtains and no, I have not yet painted the beams that are still green. I will, promise. Promise? Promise.
But don't you think that the kitchen protruding from the back of the house, with the bedroom window overlooking the roof, is incredibly nice? I can definitely picture myself reading on that roof in the sun.. If the temperature will ever get higher than six degrees, I mean ;)

After the disclaimers, here are the "after"pictures:

The fridge is new, the shelves are wonderfully painted (by me - applause is always welcome) and the plant is not yet dead! Incredible...

Progress goes of course above and beyond the house - but the list is long and my three readers are surely ecstatically contemplating the pictures above. Thus be patient, I'll be back soon to tell ;)

White and grey

2009-02-03T17:54:00.002+01:00

In Leiden it is snowing. It is not the same as back home, it's wet snow and almost rain, but it's white and soft and the garden is changing color (for the better perhaps, given that we haven't fixed it yet).

I am starting to feel at home, somehow - the roads are known and my things have found a place, the smells and noises of this place (there's a lot of those, the house is three hundred years old and chats continuously) are comforting instead of worrying...
My bike is chained outside rusting a bit more, and every morning I bike to university for my course - and whenever I go to some shop or café I can almost be understood.

I am discovering the funny and not-so-funny sides of living in a different country, the good surprises and the times when I would pay any sum for just one flight back home.
Last weekend my mum came to visit, and since yesterday morning when she left all these thoughts and feelings are battling for supremacy over what's left of my mind.

It was nice, really nice - to see with her all the places that are becoming usual for me, telling her of all we have done and plan to do in the house, simply be together without skype or mail to filter, be able to talk freely without looking at the time... Very nice and much needed.

I went from a long-distance relationship with my beloved to a long-distance relationship with my mum! (and with the rest of the family, and with my friends, en so on and so forth)

...but if anyone happens to know where I can find a grocery shop and/or a decent butcher in town, pleasepleaseplease drop me a line! ;)

Getting acquainted

2009-01-16T17:00:00.003+01:00

...last night somebody tried to steal my bike (which i bought less than a week ago).

I immediately reacted, and now happily pedal away on a Christmas-bike - no, no decorations... just lots of colored chains and locks!
I'm thinking of buying the jingling bells next week.

In silence, for once

2009-01-11T21:56:00.000+01:00

Zoeterwoude, January 10 2009

New year new home - and back to school!

2009-01-05T16:29:00.004+01:00

Today I started the Great Grammar Trip.
As of this morning, for three and a half hour four times a week, I'll be back to student mode and go to school - of Dutch, of course. In a class of nine people, four of which moved here for Dutch husbands/wives/partners; there must be a hiden message there, but I'm not at all sure I want to know it... ;)
In any case, the course is very nice (and very intensive!), although as usual the first lesson was a triumph of "my name is..." and "I come from..." and "I live in..."
I am also trying to convince my beloved to bear with my linguistic experiments, without (understandably) bursting out laughing every time...

On different happy subjects, we spent the last ten days housing - as in rearranging the house, and like the good chronicler of this weird trans-European story, I am happy to introduce a classic of reportage, so good it would make Robert Capa proud: before and after pics!

To start, we live in the pictoresque street shown in my previous post, and specifically in this house:
The house starts left of the door, and ends just right of the window. Talk about optimizing space...

The first time I travelled to NL to visit my beloved, this was the living room:

After the intervention of the infamous G&C Internal Renovations company, the same corner now looks like this:

We are still trying to figure out where to put the last books, and more importantly all the books we will be buying from now on, but for the moment we decided to pretend not to know and live happily in blissful ignorance.

Upstairs we have two rooms: a bedroom (which is not finished, so be good and wait patiently) and an office, which went from an unpictureable storage room to this:

Democratically, half a room each - how equalitarian, huh?

More pictures coming when the rest of the house will resurface to a new and shared life! Now it's time for homework, though...
Tot ziens*!

*see you soon

Waiting for Godot

2009-01-05T14:18:00.004+01:00

I know, I know... The wait for a new post on this blog is becoming endless. But please be patient to two poor souls drowning in moving/Christmas/New Year's!
With ashes on my head (only for cosmetical reasons of course) I hereby introduce to you all the beauty of Leiden in winter. And yes, the canals are covered in ice ;)
Click on the pictures for a bigger view!

And while the ducks walk around (omigod) I'll be off to rearrange the few books that this poor house is struggling to contain. We're at 1400, and counting...
Have pity on us ;)

Home!

2008-12-11T19:04:00.002+01:00

We made it!

After a heroic trip during which we braved the storms and crossed Europe on a small and intrepid blue Ypsilon, in the snow and the cold and overcoming unbelievable obstacles - through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered, we have fought our way here to the castle beyond the Goblin city* and landed in Leiden in a clear December night.
Alas, sadly for my poetic spirit (but after all, for the better) the trip was quiet, pleasant and uneventful. We left at seven in the morning with a howling cat on a back seat covered in plastic (you never know), and arrived at nine in the evening with a sleeping and curious cat who spent the better part of the trip on my lap looking out.

As expected, my beloved did not so much as allow me to touch the wheel and happily drove for fourteen hours straight - and no, it's not for lack of trust in my driving abilities but entirely due to his innate and inexplicable passion for long-distance driving.
The only worrying little thing is the sudden passion of my above-mentioned beloved for Sean, the Irish voice of our brand new TomTom navigator (a present from my boss) and from now on the official name of the toy itself. But he's a man, and that's reason enough ;)

Once unloaded the car of the too few suitcases for a traveling lady like I am - I would have loved one of those big trunks that noble women, or better their butlers, loaded on the big transatlantic ships of the past, full of early-twenties dresses to show off at dinner, maybe even listening to Novecento play (with the face and the rest of the sole and ireplaceable Tim Roth, of course) - we officially debuted the Great Adventure collapsing on the couch and watching Zoe run around like a pinball sniffing every corner as if it were made of truffles.

The Great Adventure started amid memorable quotes, a slightly puzzled happiness (has it really happened? shall we believe it?) and small changes to the house to make it ours, now that there's three of us.
Some small residual sadnesses - the low ebb of 6 pm helps nostalgia rise - and solitary shopping for baskets and toiletries while my beloved is working. We are building balance, a modus vivendi (and lavorandi) together and separately - and I am learning to respect the times of a man who works from home but has a right not to be bothered every minute. I still have not learned how not to steal all the covers every night though ;)

Footnote: the smartest readers (ok, everyone) surely noticed a lack of news about the last few Turin days... As you can easily imagine, it's a rather delicate subject - I have been meditating a post for the past few days, will keep you posted as soon as it rises :)

*Labyrinth, 1986. Yes, as a child I would drool over David Bowie in a wig ;)

Of mice and men

2008-11-28T10:47:00.003+01:00

Or better, of a mouse and a man.
The mouse is for this post a computer mouse (I know, I'm so funny at times) - and the man is the inimitable Barney.
Barney whose birthday it is today :) and I won't count what number it is because I'm a gentlewoman

Barney who was the first to name me Wilma, and got another name in return, Barney who laughs and loves life and is the most positive person I have ever met.
Barney who loves the lucky girl who married him, shamelessly, completely, openly and wonderfully.
Barney who plays and sings, and cancels every time we try to get together for an evening.
Barney who left the team for a new job and is happy, and whom we miss so much.

The wonderful Barney won't ever come visit us in NL... But I'll get to you next time I'm south!

A great big hug, and all the wishes in the world :)

Almost chapter 1

2008-11-24T21:48:00.003+01:00

They say that the basic rule for a good blog is to never start a post with sentences like 'I'm sorry I haven't written for so long' or 'I didn't know what to write', or even 'I forgot I had a blog'

They say this is the signal of a depressing lack of ideas, originality and appeal of the blog, whose author (or lack thereof) will be promptly punished by the gods of the blogosphere - a viral bolt will infect the PC the offending post was published from, all present and future readers and all the computers nearby, just to be on the safe side.

After this brief introduction, I'd like to apologize to my dear readers for not updating the blog in more than ten days* ;)
It's been bizarre days, compicated and really full of things to do... And whatever post I could have written would have been unclear, sometimes whiny, often irritating. I trust you will be grateful to me for not subjecting you to such a torture!

To be honest, I am still semi-delirious - tension is palpable now. And I am devoting the better part of my residual energy to planning the Trip, arranging stuff here, remembering that this adventure is huge and beautiful (and it is, trust me) and avoiding dropping the fear that accompanies me - like a faithful dog - onto the already-loaded shoulders of my beloved.

It's almost ready now - all that's left is selecting my possessions (this I'll keep, this I'll give away, this I cannot fathom why I ever bought) and stuffing everything in the boxes, cat included :)
And to complete the picture, a complete change in perspective, a lot of fresh grapes to soothe the spirit and a lot of impatience... Waiting with grace is definitely not among my skils ;)

In the next chapter: farewell to arms, or how to go to the office everyday and count the hours :)

* I know, I know - this one was way too easy. But I couldn't resist :)

The good the bad and (not) the ugly

2008-11-10T22:03:00.006+01:00

A lot of contrasts these days, of apparently good things turning out different and of things that look bad and in the end make you smile - this is strange days...

But let's take things one at a time.
We finally have a date, or better THE date: Friday 5 December is my lat day at the office. Which is good, even great - it means no more skyping every night (with my beloved at least, now I'll start with family&friends), no more getting up at 4 in the morning to drive to the airport. It's the start of a new life, new house, of all the nice things I've been writing about since starting this blog.
As I said, it's great and long awaited. But I've had a headache for 10 days straight... I guess my subconscious is a little scared after all ;)

On the other hand, today my beloved and I quarrelled (nothing dramatic, it happens and it's good from time to time). I won't grace you with the details, they're not interesting for my dear readers and it's kind of private - the point is* that we started a discussion, and talking and talking we understood why we had not gotten each other's arguments, what were the points of view and the differences, and what was at the bottom of it all, and we made peace again, for real. Not kisskiss and I love you, but the real thing, we found the causes and talked them over and made sure it won't happen again. It was good.
As Gertjan rightly pointed out, it does not happen often to find someone with whom to talk so openly and find a common ground, beyond the differences in gender, character, culture, points of view and what have you. We are lucky.
Without mentioning the fact that we have not fought about even one of the house projects yet! Crazy stuff... ;)

To offset the (frankly excessive) romanticism of this post, the next steps are:
My beloved will fly down Superman-like at the end of November and will stay here for a week (moral support etc)
We will pack and...
Around December 8th, off we go to the cold North!

If you happen to see a blue Ypsilon running to the shining horizon (with a trail of angry meowing), get your handkerchiefs out, it's us!

* The point is dolphins, of course ;)

Who, me?

2008-11-05T14:24:00.002+01:00

You know it already, we don't normally talk politics in this corner of the world. Not that I'm not interested or not opinionated, it's simply that I started this blog for completely different reasons, and the people to whom it was originally dedicated - family and friends and all those who are living this adventure with us - know what I think and what side I am on.

But allow me a brief moment of hope, just to break open a little crack in my cynicism... And let me have my take on the elections. Just to clarify: I am really really happy that Obama won. You can feel - even here on the other side of the world, in a town and a country very close to ruin - the definite hum of a shared thought: that maybe this time, maybe with him, things can finally change a little and the world can be a slightly better place for all.
And it is an incredibly powerful feat for a single man - who has not even done anything yet!

As for me, I have a lot of projects that I want to act on to strenghten my main and sole commandment: do not harm :)
The complete list will magically appear as soon as I am done writing it, for the moment it's all in my head and rather messy ;)

taptaptap

2008-11-04T23:28:00.003+01:00

Emigrating is a little like having a kid... you make and plan and arrange and project and organize all for the big day, and never stop to think that the big day is not the end. It's only the beginning and the rest is yet to come.
Am I not thinking about it to avoid the "hide under the blankets and not come out until the world is fine again" reaction? Or because in the end I don't know what to expect and my innate optimism only serves me with the possibilities and novelties awaiting me like presents to unwrap?
I know it's not going to be all easy and nice, don't misunderstand me, I am an optimist but I'm cynical enough (I am an interesting case, I know, if there's any psychologist out there wanting me as subject feel free to write - publication and glory guaranteed)... but between good surprises and ugly news I'd rather think there'll be plenty of the former :)

Here south - it's raining like Ireland but we're still south, I'm told - preparations are done and gone, I only need to pack my suitcases. And boxes. And packets. Omigod, how much stuff can my house contain?
There's one month to go and I cannot start undoing my home, mostly because I don't want to see this place that I love so much transformed into a depot of boxes... I'll wait for my beloved to come down and exploit his kindness, if only for a bit of emotional support :)

Otherwise, boredom reigns supreme (though you wouldn't say, judging from what
my beloved wrote today) - please add impatience to the list of symptons ;)
In case you need me, follow the noise of my fingernails on the desk... If I'm lucky, come December I'll have started digging into it like Uncle Scrooge

taptaptaptap...

Back with a vengeance

2008-10-21T23:09:00.002+02:00

Well, I did promise, didn't I? I'm back :)

The budget is done, or at least the part of it that required the pianist-like abilities of my fingers on a powerpoint slide, and I am finally back like Santa Claus, only a couple of months early.

And I really felt like Santa Claus on Sunday, during phase 089789 comma 6 of the great project (the phases are becoming so numerous that I lost count, so to number them I let my feline curse walk freely on the keyboard). I arrived at Paola's house with two huge plastic bags containing the best and the brightest of my giant and unused wardrobe: shirts, coats, tops and (oh my) bags... The results of a whole afternoon spent mercilessly selecting: anything that has not been on me for at least two years has to go. Period.
And so, off went the weird-shaped summer shirts bought because "look how funny", off went the hopelessly uncomfortable but "oh so nice" coats, off went the bags that "are not quite what I wanted but almost there".
The reason behind the self-immolation of my consumerism is very simple and almost mathematical:
80 sqm with a wardrobe for only me + moving to the same space without a wardrobe for the two of us = if I cling on to each and everything I have we'll end up sleeping in the garden.
And after all, giving stuff away has a certain grace to it, a kind of feng shui essentiality that fits just right with a Sunday in fall... :) a good way to celebrate a new beginning - yes, I know I sound like Rosamunde Pilcher sometimes.

On less feminine and more organizational notes, I have the (dis)pleasure to announce the early demise of the never-started series "job interviews in a foreign land" - due to a sudden change in perimeter.
Oh yes: I decided not to look for a job for a while (omigod, it's terrible just to write it...)
We thought - it's not a royal We, the same idea lit up in more than one brain here - that some time off to learn the language, find the shops, find out how the world works up north before shutting myself down in an office again to contribute some more to the progress of capitalism in this good old world would not be that bad an idea, after all.
So, the search is off for now. I am looking for a Dutch course (and I think I will end up an university, I don't think I can find anything better than this) and I am planning enitre afternoons spent painting the walls and baking pizzas like any good migrant resorting to homey traditions.
I have to admit the idea is hugely exciting - no metaphors or comparisons for a change - but not without consequences... Just a wee bit of horror vacui that my neck decided to translate in a permanent, stone-hard, painful contraction of its whole length. Stressed, me??? ;)
It will be fun to go back to living full time for a while though, I can't wait!
And my beloved is officially shortlisted for sainthood, given that someone will have to pay for groceries and he offered himself in sacrifice without so much as an objection...

So we'll be curtain shopping and finance planning - with me playing lady of the house and him freelancing in a while, we do need to plan this time...
Advice, opinions and senseless recommendations are more than welcome - how can I fill the long winter days ahead? What can I learn? Should I buy myself a sewing machine? Please please advise me, I hate being bored!

* glug glug *

2008-10-13T19:30:00.002+02:00

I am drowning in budget presentations - morning to late night, weekend included. There are news but my fingers won't cooperate and the blog suffers :(

I expect to resurrect around mid week, if the gods and CEOs above will have mercy on my poor soul, I am storing up ideas and will certainly let you know - which I admit does sound a bit like a threat, but if you're still reading I guess you're growing used to it...
Think of me, and if you happen to have a lifesaver lying around (or some valium to add to the office coffee) do throw it this way!

Love,
What (little) is left of me

Borrowed wisdom

2008-10-09T17:08:00.002+02:00

Read on Il bugigattolo parlante, via Barney (and freely translated by yours truly):

now that she's mine, you told me, now that I have nobody to conquer, I'm scared of it becoming a habit. now that she's yours you have to conquer her not once, but once a day. every day. you have something to lose now, that you did not have before.

the hard part starts now.

Because it's not true that being two is easy and makes you avoid problems and challenges... We all know that the happy end in the movies is only the end of the prologue and the real story starts after that!
But seriously, I couldn't have said it better ;)

Disclaimer: this blog is an oasis of impartiality and political correctness - we kindly ask all customers to re-read the quote above replacing "her" with "him". Done? Thanks.

Workworkwork

2008-10-03T12:10:00.002+02:00

**Note: this post was composed with ashes on my head and a penitent spirit. Non-charitable souls please refrain from reading**

I haven't been here in some time, I know. I even missed the Monday pic this week. I did not do groceries, did not see my friends nor the news on TV.
I did not call back R., who calls me from Turkey and is a far better friend than I can be since I never call. I did not write to I. as I intended to, to ask her if it's already snowing up in Switzerland. I did not see the pictures of F. that R. shot for the 2009 calendar.

What did I do then? I worked.
I dived back into old-time rythms and worked a shameful number of hours, and I had fun with it. I arranged, translated, discussed and conspired. I had coffee and chats with my boss and negotiated the details of my liberation (satisfactory for both, despite his refusal to move up north with me...). I meditated and sent CVs.

The result of all this running around like lizards in a tin can is, in short, that on this sunny autumn Friday I am horribly sleepy ;) and the plane that last night delivered my beloved in Milan two hours later than the expected 22.30 does not help...
But he's here now, and I'm struggling to figure out who's happier about that, me or Zoe - unexpectedly, she has not been paying me the slightest attention since last night, and concentrated almost exclusively on my beloved. She has good taste... ;)

I cannot yet announce the details of my impending freedom, but be kind and rejoice with me - prizes and parties as soon as I can start printing the announcements!
The hunt for a job is going on and expanding - I decided to widen my horizons and I'm sending tons of CVs to the weirdest places, just not to tempt fate and Murphy's law and avoid missing any chances.
All this also thanks to the surprising and unexpected help of an almost-stranger. A friend-of-a-friend who advises, chats and suggests - and is fastly earning lifelong gratitude and a lot of coffee offered as soon as I make it to the northern lands. Thank you M.!

A bustling activity ad a lot of initials - names have been hidden to protect the innocent of course, mostly from any association with these blogs of mine ;)

The story goes on...

All in the family (and Monday pic #3)

2008-09-23T22:51:00.003+02:00

An intense weekend... After a week of preparatory anxiety (which was kinda fun, in a masochistic way) my beloved tested my psycho-physical-linguistic resistance by submitting me to the infamous, terror-of-all-girlfriends, terrifying trial.. The family weekend.
To be honest, weekend is an overstatement, given that we arrived Saturday after lunch and left Sunday morning - as is trial I'm afraid, as out of eight participants two were us and four I had already met. But it was terrifying all the same ;)

The previous encounters with the clan have all been successful - his is a very close and positive family, full of respect and support for one another. And no, I am not embellishing for once ;)
I have been welcomed without reserves or prejudices, I laughed and understood something of what was being said, I slept in a wonderful house in Belgium and I'm told I even passed the test... What more could I ask for?
The best moment? When Gertjan's dad came up to me and told me very seriously: "Whenever you are in Holland and need help, in any moment and for whatever reason, you just call me". I am sorry I was not able to answer with the sincerity that such a moment would have deserved, I sometimes regret not being the kind of person who can accept this kind of gesture in the open and honest way I would like.. I confess that my shyness only allowed me to reply with a joke :(
Gertjan promised he would save my honor, like the good knight he is - I have to remember to get him a white horse for his birthday!

On more touristic notes, Saturday afternoon we indulged our wanderlust with a tour around Leuven. A honestly fascinating little town, with a peaceful corner that surprised me and reinstated a bit of faith in the universe... Ladies and gentlemen, here for you the Groot Begijnhof! For more information, see the usual Wiki.

The pictures of course are this week's Monday pics... As in, the blog is mine and I get to make up the rules ;)
To ease my faults, I was scheduled to fly back last night but one of the systems on the plane where I was not-so-comfortably sleeping my way to Milan had the excellent idea of breaking down, forcing us to get right back to Amsterdam. The phone call to Gertjan ("We're back in Amsterdam, I'm not leaving. Can you pick me up again?") was one of the best we've had lately! ;)

Tomorrow or the day after, don't miss the fascinating first instalment of the new series "job interviews in a foreign country", a breathtaking chronicle of the search for a steady contract in the land of tulips!

Monday pic #2

2008-09-15T23:01:00.003+02:00

As promised, here is another Monday pic :) brought to you by a very bucolic corner of the Tuscan countryside:

The road goes from Vetulonia to the Etruscan necropolis, and we walked it at noon under a scorching sun... The panel said one kilometer, but I'm sure it lied ;)

Plans and projects - and a bit of anxiety

2008-09-15T21:46:00.002+02:00

After a week that I cannot bring myself to only define intense (I refuse to count how many hours I worked overtime, but I know for sure that Zoe hates me) I consistently and diligently refused all invitations ("no way, I'm out of service. Whomever wants to see me will have to get up and come ring the bell, I'm not getting out for anything and anybody") and invested three hours to find out how low my French had fallen since I stopped using it every day for work.
I'm happy to report that I'm still at level C1 of the European framework! The higher functions - active memory, sayings, etc - are a bit rusty, but nothing irreparable.
Ce qui signifie que je suis encore capable de gérer une conversation en français... ;)

Apart from the (very true) showing off, the main topic of this little early-autumn post is a different one...
I love to plan. I adore planning, get high on lists and faint in front of a well laid out project. Given the situation it sounds perfect, you will say. Well, not entirely, I say.
Today's homework was to call the poor unsuspecting souls to which I have sent my CV to check if my letters had arrived, hoping they would tell me it had been printed out and framed and hung on the office wall as an eternal reminder and shining example, and that they were anxiously awaiting my call to offer me the best contract in their repertoire (hyperboles? who, me?)
And here the bubble burst, as they say... The doubt that sneaks at the bottom of one's head and raises its furry head when it has nothing better to do. Is it early? Is it late? And if it's early, sending CVs now to move in November, ain't I maybe missing out on opportunities that might not come back? And if and if and if...
And if I just stopped feeding my anxiety and let go on all the schedules? My wise mum has been telling me forever that sometimes the only reasonable thing to do is to let go and let life take charge, you will reap what you sowed when it's ripe, not before and not after that. And my wise man says the same.
And I call, write the job description for my replacement and feel light and sad at the same time.
It's good to be alive :)

PS. I know, I know, I'm late for the Monday pic. Be patient, I'm getting there :)

Monday pic #1

2008-09-08T12:15:00.004+02:00

While yours truly is busy recovering from a weekend of tourism and housecare (we need the house to be adequate for her majesty the cat, after all) and enjoys the atmosphere of a Monday morning office... ;)

Here a few more pics of Leiden, to start off the Monday pic series - every Monday a pic, a site, an image to ease the return to "real life" and show off this corner of the world.
Have a wonderful week! :D

Strategies

2008-09-04T20:33:00.002+02:00

As I said and repeated and said again, long-distance relationships are terribly complicated. In my defense I have to say that when this adventure started and I had my eyes wide open and a brand new webcam I had no idea how it would be (it's really true, one never learns from other people's experience... I'm the last among my group of girlfriends!)
Balance is in the best of cases shaky, insecurities abound and a female brain like the one I am the proud owner of (!) can happily provide a full range of hypotheses, stories and images that make everyday life eerily similar to a rollercoaster without brakes.

But I'm getting sidetracked. The dilemma I am musing about is wonderfully operational (remains of my corporate self? before I know it I'll start looking for synergies...)
In this latest almost-year we tried out two methods of long-distance communication, that I hereby christen intensive skyping and occasional phone.
Now, intensive skyping - as the name itself says - is pretty high-frequence. The method is simple: you come home, get online, call the other and leave skype there to boil while you do all that a normal human being does in an evening at home, dine/read/write/watch tv/play playsyation. And once in a while you talk - a little like the lucky ones who really live together.
The advantage it brings is the feeling of familiarity that you can pretend to have, the sharing of everyday life that for us girls is, let's face it, damn important. The downside is that you can end up not talking at all, and resenting the forced closeness to a computer at all times. And the moments when you only want to be free to move around your house as you want without dragging cables and cams behind, and hug the person you love instead of looking at him/her like a first communion family movie are really ugly, let me assure you. Without mentioning the rarely-optimal quality of skype connections.

The second method, occasional phone, is composed of a lot of sms's and a phone call when possible - short, because international calling is horribly expensive. The downside is immediately clear to any female brain out there: there is no everyday side. You're lacking the knowledge of what your beloved is doing, if he is tired and what shirt he's wearing, of all those little messages that sight alone enables you to perceive - or at least, that enables us girls, who pay the same attention to our beloved ones as we would a conference in astrophysics. But when you do talk, or read, it's way more intense, much closer. You have to make time for the other and pay attention; I don't need to specify this is good ;)

I am comparing the two methods in this rainy night when my beloved is not home, and I cannot decide...
But pretty shortly we're not going to have this problem anymore :D

Waiting

2008-09-03T17:20:00.003+02:00

Just to clarify, below a non-exhaustive list of the alienation phases that I am witness to and victim of in these warm late-summer days. Waiting definitely wears one out...
Bear in mind that on a typical day I manage to go through each and every one of the steps below - draw your own conclusions ;)

- When you feel like you're standing on thin air and the only clear perception you have is of losing control. Electrifying like parachute jumping (I will do it, one day, I will) and way more terrifying than a good Stephen King book
- When you feel like you're on top of the world and perfectly in control of everything, and you can do everything and be everyone (cfr. Me, myself and I - for the official diagnosis of omnipotence complex please refer to my shrink). When you look at the world like Mary Poppins sitting on her cloud
- When you're anxious and afraid of the dark and think that you just can't make it, and the smile that comes out when you realize that you truly cannot wait to see what's on the other side of the fence
- The days that just won't end and make room for a new one, which is one step closer to the door, and filling in the wait by listing the bits of your life that you want to take with you
- The immense privilege of being able to choose what to keep and what to leave, and I'm not talking only of the rugs and chairs
- Seeing the other world, the one you're constantly turned towards, placidly doing its thing and wanting to be there so badly... like a kid pressing her nose on the candy store window
- Discovering the good sides (and the not-so-good sides) of the people around you, finding out you're loved, a lot and for free, and hoping to be able to give some of this love back
- Seeing the person behind all this move the bits around and rearrange his life and world to make room for you (I know, I'm hopeless...) And wanting to hurry so that he can start running again.

The point is that the switch in my head has gone off.. can someone please explain to the world that I really don't feel like waiting two more months?

2008-08-25T10:05:00.002+02:00

"You cannot know in advance", he says...
"People might surprise you", he says...
"Don't expect the same reaction as in the past, people change", he says...
I love it when he's right :D

Good news from the battlefront, plans are going ahead and the speed makes us a bit dizzy; but if all goes well the plan will be executed and yours truly will be flying out in November.
More and better updates in the coming days, promise. Phase 1 finished yesterday and half the team sadly flew out, so words are lacking today...

Heidi

2008-08-12T15:25:00.004+02:00

It's time to add a little personal touch to this blog - it's getting much too serious for my taste... So, here goes a little update :)

Phase 1 is quickly nearing the end, there's only two weeks left and anxiety starts to grow... As much as the whole operation is an undeniable success :)
Our little experiment turned out even better than we expected, if possible. There have been laughs, and chats, and some little quirks and discussions that are only healthy, and a lot of things that made us feel - in a small and often overlooked word - well.
We are well and all is going well. To quote good old Alex, as an unmuddied lake and as clear as an azure sky of deepest summer ;)
And yes, I know sometimes I end up letting the little Heidi in me talk, and she can't wait to muse over mountains and lakes and fifteen-year-old romanticism... But be patient and bear with her, for she never stays long ;)

Being so well leads us, of course, to the next steps in the project - that have been discussed, negotiated and more or less listed on a night not long ago. For the past few days a (surprisingly short) list has been residing on the fridge door... And from that night the project became a plan, and "I want" became "I will". And it's a damn fine feeling.

"I will" includes talking to the people who will be, unwillingly, involved in this adventure - and maybe taking advantage of the situation to exercise a little honesty and sincerity. The long discussion on this topic is not finished yet, but the main debate is on naivete vs. cynicism, accepting that people can and will suprise you (because they do change, in time, always) instead of basing one's expectations purely on past experience and stereotyping the reactions that any given thing will cause - and accepting the possibility that it will not happen, and the reactions will be the same as ever and might even hurt.
I (we) already had a number of surprises, from the people who are involved already and are around us: enthusiasm, and understandable worry, and advice and ideas, and the feeling of being loved which is priceless :)
.. As for the others, we will do our best and take whatever comes our way.

"I will" includes, for me, also a difficult choice - to explain which I need a short political-ecoomical-cultural excursus.
Our beloved "bel paese" is at the same time a wonderful place and a dickensian nightmare (an excellent description is provided by my better half in this post). And when it comes to work, finding work or keeping work, it is often the nightmare part that wins with one-month contracts, laughable salaries, unmanageable time constraints, lack of safety and all the pretty things that every Italian around 30 in 2008 knows only too well (and I am only talking office work, so thankfully I don't need to mention all the deadly accidents).
And here is my dilemma: provided that it is indeed possible and this good company is up to discussing it, what shall I do with my nice steady job? Shall I try and negotiate six months of unpaid leave, to have a cushion to fall back on should life up north fizzle up? Or shall I wave to all and just leave, given that I am sick of the job anyway?
The first option can soothe fears and dissuase objections, of those worrying around me rather than my own - the second has the undeniable and evident allure of a jump in the dark, of a neat cut to a radical change.. and also of the convinction that [insert deep and soothing voice, like in old movies] everything will be all right.

"I will" fills me up with energy and enthusiasm - where is that damn fast forward button, again? ;)

PS. if you happen to be curious, this is the face of the town that apparently will be my home for a while.

We're back :)

2008-08-05T18:20:00.002+02:00

Tuscany is, if possible, even more beautiful than I remembered, and even the weather was merciful (apart from the heat, of course) - and a stone farm with a porch and a garden is purrrfect for summer nights...

And then Siena, and San Gimignano, and the Etruscan tombs in Vetulonia and the sea in Castiglione...
Like all holidays should be, truly beatiful and much too short.

We even managed to study (intellectuals that we are, we left with way more books than clothes), and Harry Potter is proving itself to be a good way of building vocabulary. On occasion I even manage to read a whole sentence and understand it without looking at the dictionary!
And Gertjan's study of Latin is going amazingly fast :)

Upon our return to the front we found one fat and happy cat (thank you, Elisa!), two jobs just like the ones we left and a few steps forward to the Big Project.
I will abund with suspense for now and not tell, but we are sailing forward :) Small brickies are slowly moving into place, fears are receding for what they can and the details are getting (maybe) a bit more clear...

But for now, we are enjoying a couple of weeks of homey life and then a little respite from the heat in NL around the 15th - and I officially decided and established that the end of August does not exist ;)

The man

2008-07-15T10:52:00.000+02:00

I wanted to write this post yesterday.
But I have been swallowed by a corporate day that did not end until 8 pm (causing a long string of musings on the futility of the large international company I have the honor to work for; musings which I will not repeat, however, as I'm a lady), and a sudden and unexpected inability to translate into words three hours of pure emotion.

Since the sun is shining today, and the pile of printouts on the kitchen table gives new hopes and perspectives to yours truly, I will now - heroically - try again!
For starters, I did not expect anything less than this:

And then, and then,
his style, need I really mention it?
the same voice now that he's 73 as when he was 26
three encores, and every single song I was hoping for (full setlist here)
the whole crowd - younger than expected, I must say - singing every word of every song. And the best moment apart from Halleluj a: the man himself thanking the crowd "for keeping my songs alive all these years".

Now, if I mention the beautiful sunset and the storms of (swallows?) I will start feeling like a B-list romance writer, so I'll spare you that... but the child in me - how poetic, isn't it? - appreciated, and is still convinced it all made the atmosphere even better.
It didn't even rain!

On different and less poetic themes, we are back south with a little more projects and a little less enthusiasm to work the few days left before holiday.
We are leaving on Saturday! Maremma, here we come!!
Friends and family will keep us busy every evening this week, and I fear we will end up packing at five in the morning right before leaving.
I just hope I will not leave the beach towels and carry the ski jacket instead...

Me myself and I

2008-07-09T15:35:00.000+02:00

I had forgotten how good it feels to study... and to study a new language, especially.
I am taking advantage of the relative calm that my traveling boss allows to push my Dutch studying a little forward, and I have to confess I am having shamelessly fun with it!

A few months ago I bought a textbook, and like the good girl that I am I dutifully started from lesson 1, page 5. I listened to the CD tracks, I did the exercises and all - and found myself struggling with a growing sense of frustration of which I could not pinpoint the cause.
After a little thinking and research, I concluded that despite the fact that the book is well written and well done, I really cannot relate to its "fluid" approach. Having half of the present simple explained in lesson 1 and the other half in lesson 3 - with fifty pages of mock press releases, intonation and scenes to reenact in between - simply does not work for me, it is innatural and frustrating.
Therefore, in a spur of self-determination, I decided that this time I am doing it myself.

INGREDIENTS:
One new notebook and a dedicated pen (because there is no end to fetish)
One very good grammar site to copy from and to plunder
One equally satisfying site for exercises
One boyfriend available to repeat the same sentence over and over again for at least eight hundred times until you can more or less repeat it, and to tell you you have the same accent of this woman (who is Argentine, btw)
One copy of Harry Potter and one dictionary to bring along on holiday

Little by little I am learning; passive knowledge increases faster than speaking abilities, of course, but my enthusiasm doesn't falter (not even when looking back at tens and tens of pages covered in conjugations and pronouns).
Satisfaction achieves its peak when Dutch words come up in my brain at the most unexpected times, when a Dutch colleague greets me in the morning with a loud "goedemorgen" and I find myself answering without even thinking about it... and just to not betray my fetish, even when I look back at conjugation-covered notebook pages ;)

I'm afraid it's time to face the truth: I belong to the old guard (at least as far as languages are concerned). I am one of those who believe that everything always comes from grammar which is the essence and base of a language, I am one of those who write write write lists of present perfects and demonstrative pronouns. Hell, I am one of those who know what an independent demonstrative pronoun is!
Going back to teaching will be a lot of fun...

And, as a bonus track, as of this morning I have a new hero!
My hero is Carlos do Amaral Fuente - a Brazilian linguist who studied 115 languages and fluently speaks 30 can be nothing short of heroic... A source of inspiration and reverence ;)
The interview is here - see if I am not right!

In the meantime and talking about heroes, we're flying up north this Friday, as we're headed for Leonard Cohen's concert in Amsterdam on Saturday - mmmmmmmmmmm :D

Hubris

2008-07-01T12:33:00.000+02:00

I bought without warning (I did not see the movie, and I did not read the articles) the biography of Chris McCandless, Into the Wild.
In order not to bother anyone with the trivial details, his story is here.

My first reaction upon reading about someone who abandones all safety, the whole of a predetermined life
based on graduations and careers to go and starve (though the original version was "live in the wild") in Alaska was, trivially enough, the guy is nuts!
And I became more and more convinced as I read that the river that prevented him from coming back to safety when he realized he had to is crossed 1/4 of a mile down by a hand-operated tram (but he didn't know because he didn't have a map - and he didn't have a map because... well, you've got it by now ), and that the bus in which he died is 15 miles from a highway, and most of all when I realized that our hero was tragically unprepared for the life he had chosen - he even refused to learn from local hunters how to preserve meat, assuming he could do without ("I don't need it"), and wasted the only moose he managed to shoot in the process.

The picture that comes out of the book - which is decidedly biased in favor of its hero - is that of a teenager with a higher-than-average dose of naiveté... and a significant arrogance.
Changing one's life based on the literary speculations of Tolstoj and Thoreau is a baseless pretence, and a huge misinterpretation. It is all very good to stand on the shoulders of giants, but forgetting that literature in itself cannot feed you is a tragically avoidable mistake. This is not a heroic death, not a dramatic example, not a romantic and tragic character from a Puccini opera - it is just a kid that did not understand what was very clear to both Tolstoj and Thoreau: literature is one thing, life is another - and the two are sometimes very different from one another.

This was the useless end of a useless life - and it happened because he did not want to see the material, physical side of life and the enhancement it can give to its other, more intellectually fulfilling and "cool", side.
It is way more heroic to rewrite the rules from within a functional life - to accept the minimum compromise necessary for surviving in society and use the possibilities that society gives you to create your own niche and there build all the intellectual gifts that your own idea of life can offer - than to starve and be forgotten for a banal and naive excess of hubris.

...and then you can start pushing the boundaries of the agreement ;)

News from the battlefront

2008-06-30T12:28:00.000+02:00

We anticipated, planned, dreamt and awaited it, and it finally arrived: the start of phase 1 is upon us and keeps bustering...
The "melting Dutchman" (copyright grandma Malvina, absolutely appropriate) descended upon our sunny lands on Thursday night - and the first effect we witnessed was a thermic shock not unlike the one experienced by the "beau sauvages" that 19-century explorers brought back from their trips as presents for the kings. From 18 to 28 degrees in a one hour flight and then from 28 to 36 in one night was not easy to stand. We've seen things you people wouldn't believe (*hint hint*)... Dutchmen on fire off the shoulders of the living room desk and cats very puzzled of an unplanned invasion of their turf.
Though, to tell the truth, Zoe was more puzzled by the fan buzzing in the living room than by Gertjan - I suspect it's due to the fan's lack of hands to pet her with!

On different and more relationship-focused notes, yours truly suddenly found herself musing on the size of the change we created - and I have to admit they were not unpleasant musings, in the end :)
Not having much time to spend together entails, among others, a compulsion to concentrate in two days all that you want to do together and cannot dilute in time: every weekend is a continuous turmoil of activities, discussions, hugs and words that does not stop until one of the two is again on a plane (and both start waiting for the next time). But ever since he landed the rhythm has been very, very different and much more calm... There have been silences and times when each was busy with different things, a lot less anxiety to do do do. Strangely - despite it being what we wanted and what I was expecting - it was somehow difficult for me to adapt. I kept wondering if it was a normal stage or the sign of a deeper uneasiness, of an incompatibility that we could not notice before.

I am happy to announce that I was wrong! We went to the seaside yesterday, and apart from the fact that my beloved is currently a very deep shade of pink everything is going very well :D
As usual, it's enough to stop for a minute and talk, and there is no difference once Skype is no longer in the picture.
I realized it was nothing but start-of-cohabitation anxiety - and also that it's good to be two separate people from time to time and not have to continually keep up such an intense rhythm, that waking up at seven instead of four on a Monday morning and have breakfast together before leaving is an excellent way to start the day. I realized that after so much time living alone I do want to make the compromises and agreements necessary to be two again. And most of all I realized that if things continue this way I really have to push forward my studying... :D
There is a lot to invent, and a lot to discuss and fight upon as it should be, but all in all, I guess I like this new development so far - and the side of my beloved that I am currently getting acquainted with is every bit as likeable as the one I have been seeing all these months :)

Almost there

2008-06-22T19:07:00.000+02:00

Thursday is the start of the long-awaited phase 1 - and together with a very defined sense of I-can't-wait-when-does-goddamn-Thursday-arrive-already there are quite a few questions dancing in my head in this (finally) summer afternoon.

Will he be ok in the heat of Italian summer? We're running on thirty degrees stable and I got myself a barbarian, after all...
Will we be able to find balance between my work, his work, the blogs, computers and friends and still have fun?
Will we get tired of one another and not have anything left to say? (this is not that probable, I know)
Will he find things to do on his own independently from me or will he find himself dependent and caged?
Will we find a balance for the little things - the house, meals and all the bourgeois aspects of everyday life - without fussing? Or will his indifference for house-related stuff revive my hen instinct, and I will find myself shouting at him for walking on the wooden floor with his shoes? I really have to buy a housewifey flowery apron!
Will I survive two months of cheese-based life?

Cohabitation anxiety, they say - the first time around I did not have it at all but I was young and innocent back then. And it did not turn out so bad after all... At least this time I know some of the pitfalls!
And what he will experience during this time will be useful for both when I will go through the same up north

To tell the truth, the prevailing feeling is excitement, will to invent to do to find structures and solutions and to keep having fun and discovering. There are millions of books to read, discussions to have, places to explore and stories to write. It will be good, I know :)

In the meantime, next weekend we're going to the beach - and in the summer all roads go downhill and are easier to walk, including ours!

P.S.

2008-06-16T22:09:00.000+02:00

Did I mention how incredibly grateful I am for the fact that he is rearranging his whole life to spend two months (minus one day) here with me for phase 1?
And even more so if you consider that I did not ask for it and it was all his idea?

And though this is not enough, and more will be said offline...
thank you cookie! :)

Pros and cons (and a few comments)

2008-06-16T21:53:00.000+02:00

Pros and cons of a weekend up north

Pro: it was sunny and warm (I never thought I would one day thank global climate change, since it was raining at home) - and summer days are longer!
Con: it started raining in the very moment we lwft to go walking in the woods
Pro: as it was raining, we stopped at Gertjan's parents for a coffee/tea, and had a very pleasant chat
Con: I still don't understand a word of Dutch. Or better, I get one word every thirty or forty, and spend the rest of the time putting them together to make sentences. Whether what I come up with is anything similar to what is actually being said is still to be decided, of course... I really have to start studying again ;)
Pro: there are woods in NL. In particular, this one. Neat, clean, precise and amazing - and I got a promise we will go walking there again (it wasn't that hard...)
Con: the woods are full of ticks. But I didn't get them - or they didn't get me?

Pro: I met Maria again, whom I had not seen for at least two years. It was nice, and cozy, and I hope I won't wait two years again for our next chat (you were right Maria, that bar makes a very good coffee!)
Con: the bar above is almost two hours' drive from Leiden. I really have to bring up my Nespresso machine!

And of course:

Pro: time together, which is always too short, and one more brick :) and cooking together and the house, which is beautiful and I will take pictures of as soon as I manage to not forget my camera
Con: Sunday afternoon blues - but this time it's only ten days before phase 1 starts!

It goes on...

Poëzielessen

2008-06-09T23:01:00.000+02:00

Awaiting to see what fate will bring us, I'm studying another language.
This comes as no surprise, given my fixation for any grammar I could get my hands on ever since I can remember. There is only a small problem... apparently I got myself the most difficult language this side of the Danube, at least as far as pronounciation goes :(

Tonight I enslaved my poor man - who is getting closer and closer to sainthood, from this point of view - who spent two hours patiently reading over and over every word of a very interesting (*ahem*) article on Robert Frost's summer-house-turned-museum, listening to and correcting the incoherent ramblings my throat produced as I tried to repeat sounds that have nothing in common with the beautiful, easy, clear vowels of my latin language.

...maybe Skype is not that great an invention, after all ;)

Intro

2008-06-09T22:43:00.001+02:00

Some once talked about six degrees of separation... in our case it's more like 1200 km. Or better, 1205 if Google Maps is to be believed.
This is the distance between Torino and Leiden, between the Italian hills and the Dutch flatlands, and between me and him.
For the greater joy of KLM, we've been flying back and forth for five months to be together every fortnight; and like everybody who's had a long-distance relationship knows only too well this usually entails alarm clocks going off at the weirdest times to make it to the airport on time, used boarding passes found in the most bizarre corners of both houses, and a nagging, tragic, amletic doubt: in what country did my beloved black t-shirt end up?

To solve these and other problems, and to reduce the number of hours we spend on Skype (which is a great invention; but one start to feel a bit like a fool after a while, talking to a laptop), June 26 will mark the official start of the big project!
Two months of living-together-rehearsal in sunny southern Europe, just to check if we can stand each other for more than two days at a time without smashing the furniture; and then, if the house can stand the ordeal - we'll let you know in mid-August, after the planned point-of-the-situation - and if planet alignment is favorable... what I always said I would never do, the last frontier, the point-of-no-return of long-distance relationships... I' moving to the Netherlands.

Among countless supersitions and incipient terror, of course ;)

We'll keep you posted - stay tuned!