I read about it almost every day on the expat blogs - those corners of the internet, like mine, were people write who have up and gone to a different country.
I hear about it on expat sites - those who should (stress the should) support and help the poor expats to live in such a terrible and terrifying new country.
And now I also write about it, in this typical Dutch summer day (a yoyo of rain and sun and rain and sun. Friday we had 12 storms in one day, it looked like the weather was stuck in fast forward mode).
I am talking about the so-called culture shock, that mix of disgust, difficulty and depression that is supposed to attack the poor expatriates in the cruel and incomprehensible country they found their poor selves living in.
Maybe it's clear already from the start of this post, but I don't buy it, I don't buy it, I don't buy it.
Otherwise: I don't buy it.
I don't believe that landing in a new country as a privileged expat - with money, maybe already a job, a partner, a house, and so on - can be or lead to any kind of shock. I don't believe that shopping at Albert Heijn instead of Coop and not finding the fresh tomatoes you're used to can undermine the emotional well being and vision of life of all those poor expats (immigrants is apparently an old fashioned world, we are all expats nowadays).
I don't believe that finding yourself in a community of people who follow different rules and habits, who make coffee differently or spend their birthday parties sitting in a circle while the host is in the kitchen making drinks* can justify endless lamentations and fears of abandonment.
Let's make one thing clear: of course moving abroad brings up problems. But it does for those who move because they have to, those who have to work really hard to rebuild a life from scratch, those who have to learn everything - and I do mean everything - to survive. For those who are running away from way bigger problems and have way bigger problems.
And yes, we all have minor problems: we all miss home, we all wait anxiously for the day when behavior codes will be automatic and won't require absolute concentration every time, when chatting will be only a pleasure and not a continuous language test.
But all the people who talk and talk about culture shock come for the most part from rich and "civilized" countries, have nice houses and only have to make minor adjustments to take part in the social life of the country they have chosen (again: the country that they have chosen - not that has been imposed on them by who knows what or who). They have it easy. And yes they are the ones who keep saying that everything is so bad in the Netherlands.
I am not going to link to any posts or make a comprehensive list, this is not a talk show. But everytime I read or hear about culture shock there's a number of things that come up, and I'd like to have my take on them, if you want to read them.
1. Do not complain that the Dutch are not kind: it's not true. No decent Dutch person will ever chat aimlessly about your grandma's health while queuing at the post office, but no lung-carrying Dutch will ever refrain from a good morning (or good evening). Even if they have nothing else to say to you.
2. Stop complaining that the streets are dirty. Go take a walk in any Italian city (I'm talking about a relatively civilized country, you see) and then stop. You were not born in SpicNSpan-land, were you?
3. Stop complaining abut the weather. It rains, yes - you knew that before. Buy an umbrella and learn to live with it - and if you really cannot stand it go live somewhere else.
4. Don't make a fuss because the supermarket around the corner doesn't carry your favorite cereal brand, or exactly the things you want and are used to, in the exact same order you used to find them at home. It is a different country. Buy something else or go to another supermarket.
5. Don't tell me that the Dutch don't respect foreigners. The great majority of them speaks English, and does so as soon as they notice that you are having trouble with their language. I have met people who have been living here for 10 years and still cannot say one word in Dutch. How about respect now?
In other words, it is obvious that life here is not like it was at home - otherwise we would all be home (how deep, isn't it? I should get a PhD for this).
They are not the ones who have to adjust to us: we are the ones who have to do the learning. And it does not mean losing our culture, our identity and all that makes us.. us. It simply means learning to live in a new country with the respect and the attention that it deserves. Let's try and be a little humble, shall we?
What? Me? Well, I hope I'll learn to live here, simply because I have chosen to live here.
And I'll keep cooking Italian at home :P
* Or, this is what I noticed during my brief contacts with Dutch birthday parties. Different than what I expected, but everyone is happy so who cares?
PS. This post intentionally forgot to mention all other categories of expats and migrants - those who come from different cultures and religions. And who maybe don't have a safe future. They do have the right to a little culture shock. And then, this is not a political blog, did you think I changed my mind? :)
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